A Stay-at-Home Mom of Grown Kids Wonders What Her New Job Title Is

By: Janelle Sims

I’m struggling. I’m struggling with identifying my purpose, my role, my identity at this stage of my life. I suppose I am at mid-life-crisis age, but that’s not what this feels like. Becoming a purple-haired, bungee-jumping, motorcycle mama isn’t what I need.

I am seeking a title.

I am seeking a new job title. (Twenty20 @Stoyanovska)

My kids are grown, how do I answer “What do you do?”

I used to proudly proclaim to be a wife, a mother, and a teacher. I am still a wife. Technically, I am still a mother, but my children are grown and mostly independent. But I want a title that carries a sense of accomplishment; a response to the question, “So, what do you do?”

I battle a chronic disease that renders me “Disabled” and I’m unable to work outside the home. I’m not ashamed of this, but I don’t want that to be all there is to me, nor the topic always discussed.

Due to this illness, I had to retire from being an elementary school teacher, a career I loved. When I was teaching, I could go on and on about my title of “Teacher.” However, it is obvious that I did not reach normal retirement age before gaining “Retired Teacher” status. I sometimes feel awkward using that phrase as an answer to what I do in life.

After twenty years in the business, I could say, “I am a retired stay-at-home mom.” Is that even a thing? Do I get a plaque?

The title stay-at-home wife seems underwhelming

I could say that I am now a “Stay-at-Home Wife,” but that seems underwhelming. I am also an overachieving “Dog-mom,” but that, too, is a bit unimpressive. Yes, I would qualify as an “Empty Nester,” but that only explains that I have grown children, not what I do with my time now.

What job title can I give myself in this stage of my life?

Something that encompasses my skills, education, and natural abilities. A title that gives me self-worth. A short phrase that piques interest, starts a conversation, and makes me feel good about myself.

I googled everything I could think of to discover a word, a classification, that would explain who and what I am in this stage of life. I excitedly read other articles on this subject, anxious to get to the end and discover the “word” I was looking for, only to find the author aboard the same boat I was in.

No answers. No magic word. There’s an acronym called NEET, which stands for Not Employed, in Education or Training. However, it refers more to a younger crowd and has somewhat of a negative connotation. Besides, someone might get confused if I answered the question, “So, what do you do?” with “I’m NEET!”

What do you call someone who stays at home and doesn’t have a job?

I began my quest by asking my husband, “What do you call someone who stays home and doesn’t have a job?”

He answered, “Unemployed.” This was true, but not the word I was hoping for.

I needed more. Something real. What do you call an over-the-hill woman who spent her life raising kids and working as a teacher but now finds herself at home?

Why isn’t there a word to describe this? Think about all of those people who would use that word as a goal. There would be parties to celebrate earning this title. Business could make money by designing cards, banners, t-shirts, and knick-knacks.

“So, what do you do?”

“I’m a ______!” A word that would describe this stage of life but also makes one feel proud. A word that would also encompass all of the duties for which I am responsible. A description of how I spend my time in a productive way. Something that shows that I am still busy and relied upon.

After days of journaling and soul-searching on this topic, I went back to my husband.

Poor guy. There he was, sitting on the patio, enjoying nature, and I plopped down in front of him with deep, what’s-my-purpose-in-life questions.

Why aren’t there more words that mean active, productive and worthwhile?

I blurt, “How do people find comfort with having the title of ‘Retired’ or ‘Empty Nester?’ Don’t they want more than that? And I’m not suggesting they find a later-in-life career. I don’t want that either. I just want to know why there aren’t other words to choose from that signify still being active, productive, and worthwhile.”

My husband, who happens to be a counselor, responded with, “People have to find comfort that they are more than their jobs. Stating what they once did is merely a conversation starter. A way for a stranger to quickly understand their background. But there is more to a person than just an occupation.”

This clicked with me. I am more than an occupation. I am more than a disabled, retired, empty-nesting, stay-at-home wife. I am more than one word. I am actually several words. I am a friend, a sister, and a daughter. I am the personal servant to an overly spoiled Shih Tzu. Sometimes, I am a writer.

There was no single word to describe me

It was starting to make sense to me why I couldn’t find only one English word to describe what I am or what I do. This stirred up my creativity and I began to have a little fun.

I could obviously use words to describe my daily tasks. “Janitor,” “Cook,” and “Laundress.” I’m a “Caregiver.” I shop for our essentials. How does the title of “Forager” sound?

I could be sweet and call myself a “Smile Maker.” I could be sassy and call myself the “Queen of my Castle.”

The Internet is already flooded with other retired domestic engineers working as “Influencers,” but I influence my family so maybe that title still counts.

I have thought of phrases that will provide and appropriate answer to “So, what do you do?”:

It depends on the day.

I’m a Jill of all trades.

That’s to be determined.

I’m a work in progress.

Depending on the situation, I had fun creating another job title I could use.

“So, what do you do?”

Oh me? I’m the only employee at a temp agency.”

When I’m given a quizzical look, I will explain, “This means that I have the flexibility to fill any job or duty requested of me on any given day. It’s exciting. I never know what the day will bring. I can be a taxi driver, accountant, event planner, personal chef, nurse, receptionist, counselor, designer, travel agent, social media manager, fitness trainer, and scheduler.”

There is more to me than a career title

Once I stopped searching for only one word to describe myself, the pressure dissipated. I have many titles and there’s more to me than a career title.

Maybe a word will be created someday that will describe an over-the-hill yet vibrant, active lady who loves her family and friends, has many responsibilities and talents, and who deserves to be admired.

But until then, I will work on finding peace with who I am at this stage of life, regardless of what it’s called.

You Might Also Want to Read: 

21 Things You’ll Love About Your Empty Nest – We asked our Grown and Flown community to tell us what they love the most about their empty nests.

When My Teens Leave Home, Who is the Me Left Behind? – This is a question that many moms ponder as their teens grown up and leave home.



Source: https://grownandflown.com/job-title-for-mom-grown-kids/

The content is owned by Janelle Sims. Visit site here for other valuable articles.


Share Us Your Thought!

You are invited to share your thought related to the post above in the comment box. You can share about your tips/experiences as parent or as a kid (if you're in that position).

Would You Share The Post?

And if you find it's interesting post and have a value for others, please share it to your friends. Thank you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Little Girl Flees From Officer Dad in Hot Pursuit Over Stolen Cupcakes! [Video]

By: Mary Malcolm It is so adorable how toddlers can’t seem to make up a lie, simply because they are not even familiar with the concept!...