2. Redirect Your Focus and Expectations
Leading up to Mother's Day, a key strategy for Stepmoms is to keep your expectations realistic.
It was clear that Lisa's expectations were out of line from the beginning. This is why she was so crushed when Lucas failed to acknowledge her on Mother's Day.
Rather than building up big hopes for this one day of the year, choose to redirect your focus onto other times when your step child has shown appreciation and care for you.
Lucas was a thoughtful boy who had done sweet little things for Lisa over the past year — things that touched her heart and made her feel accepted and loved by him. If she had been mindful to keep her focus on those things, rather than expecting her step-son to engage on Mother's Day, she may have saved herself a lot of heartache.
If your step-child has acknowledged you in the past or if you've enjoyed a special experience with them, intentionally put those memories front and center (on the bathroom mirror or fridge). Then choose to lower your expectations of Mother's Day and keep your focus on times when your step-child has included and acknowledged you.
Don't let one day of the year negate the positive affirmation you've already received from your stepchild. Choose to keep your expectation in line and redirect your focus.
3. Husbands Can Make a Difference!
As Lisa shared her painful experience with us, I could see that her husband was hurting for her. He was certainly disappointed with Lucas's lack of acknowledgement toward Lisa, but he was at a loss about how to help.
Husbands, look ahead to special occasions (and don't forget birthdays!). Do what you can to prepare for them. Your intentional efforts will spare your wife from painful disappointments.
Here are some ways you can approach Mother's Day with sensitivity and awareness:
Initiate a Conversation with your Wife — Had Lisa's husband initiated a conversation prior to Mother's Day, they would've had an opportunity to explore possibilities and openly express feelings.
Discussing the possibility of kid's loyalty binds can be helpful too. These kinds of conversations can ease tensions and prepare your wife so that she isn't blindsided with disappointment on Mother's Day.
Initiate a Conversation with your Kids — Talk openly to your kids about the upcoming holiday. Casually ask your kids if they can describe any positive thoughts they have about their stepmom. Lisa's husband might have heard something like: "She's really funny when she reads me stories, I like that".
Then help your kids to capture their thoughts on paper to give to her on Mother's Day. Sweet nothings from Lucas would've made Lisa's day a whole lot sweeter!
A word of caution on this: Parents need to allow kids to set the pace and not push an agenda or put words in their mouths. If your child is willing to express gratitude toward their step-mom, encourage them to do so. If not, patiently wait for their connection to develop and do what you can to encourage healthy bonding.
Celebrate Your Wife — If your child is unable to express affection or appreciation, you certainly can! Let your wife know how much you cherish her and express your gratitude for all she does to support the family and care for your kids (and by the way…she need to hear this regularly, not just on a special occasions)!
You might also consider setting aside another "special day" to honor and celebrate your wife! If you didn't already know, there actually is an official day for this — May 19th is Stepmothers Day!
Ready…Set…Glow!
Mother's Day doesn't have to be tainted with disappointment. This year, choose to set yourself up for a better outcome — one where YOU get to shine. Keep your Mother's Day expectations realistic and focus on the positive experiences you've enjoyed in the past.
Work as a team to steer clear of potential heartache and help the kids navigate loyalty binds. And find creative ways to honor your role as step-mom and celebrate the dedication, care and brilliance you bring to your stepfamily!
QUESTION: How will you emotionally prepare yourself for Mother's Day? Leave a comment below…
Source: https://support.mikeandkimcoaching.com/blog/how-to-avoid-mothers-day-disappointments-for-stepmoms
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