Acknowledge What's Changing…and What's Not
Your kids need to know that you empathize with the changes they have to navigate.
Gaining a new step-parent, moving to a new neighborhood, changing schools, living with step-siblings, experiencing new holiday traditions….the list of things that kids have to adjust to can go on and on. These adjustments are "Big News" for kids, even if they feel like little things to us.
Helping kids understand what will be changing and being clear on what WON'T change can help them accept the news much easier.
"I want you to know that we're getting married…but you and I are still going to have our Sunday morning breakfast just like we always have."
"We're moving to a new house, but you're still going to have your own bedroom and you won't have to change schools."
When you have Big News to share with your kids, make sure to think through as many things as you can that won't change and share them right away. This will help them feel a sense of stability and security which may minimize negative reactions.
Honor Their Other Loyalties
When big news comes, kids quickly begin to work out how the changes will impact other relationships that are important to them. How will the change impact time with their parent in the other home? How will it impact access to friends? How will it impact their time around extended family members?
You may be surprised by the relationships they worry about when they hear your big news. In that moment, do your best to stay focused on honoring those relationships (even if it's about your Ex!)
If you believe they'll still have the same access to those people…tell them exactly why you believe that. If you realize that something will have to change, then focus on how they can stay connected to those relationships and what you're willing to do to support that.
Telling kids things like "you'll make new friends" or "you'll still be able to FaceTime with Dad any time you want" might be true, but it won't help them process in the moment.
Instead, focus on statements like, "you've got some great friends here…how do you think you can stay connected with them?" or "I'm glad you and your dad are close…let's talk about ways you can connect with him even though we'll be farther apart".
Hanging in there with these conversations will help your kids discover that they can still be connected to the relationships they feel loyal to.
Don't Assume it's "One and Done"
Big news can take a while for kids to process. So, plan ahead for multiple conversations.
Remember that you've been thinking about your "Big News" for a while…but it may take them time to catch up.
Keep an ongoing dialog with the kids throughout the changes they're experiencing. They may have a delayed "explosion" or just need a little extra reassurance along the way.
Be intentional about checking in with them often to see how they're feeling. Remind them of the things that WON'T be changing to help them maintain a sense of stability. Plan with them the time and place they'll connect with those people they feel loyalty to.
Don't try to "Wing It"
Those times when I'm caught off-guard by our kid's reactions are the times I'm at my worst. I respond with words and attitudes that don't really help. And usually when I look back on those moments, I realize that just a little forethought would have gone a long way.
When you have "Big News" to share with your kids, don't just wing it…take the time to think through how the news will impact them and how you think they'll react. Be prepared to reassure them and be patient as they work through their worries and fears.
Approaching "Big News" with these 4 Prep-Steps will help you minimize those negative reactions!
QUESTION: What are some other ways you prepare yourself to deliver "Big News" to your kids? Leave a comment below…
Source: https://support.mikeandkimcoaching.com/blog/are-you-prepared-to-tell-your-kids-big-news
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