What if your differences are actually a good thing?

By: Mike Anderson

Speak Up!

Once you identify these strengths in your partner — TELL THEM! 

It's a great thing when you can admit to yourself that your partner has strengths that you don't have.  It's even better when you can admit to THEM that you realize it!

Every one of us needs to be recognized for our contributions.  Whether that's at our place of work or in our family.  Some of us need affirmation more than others, but ultimately affirmation is a universal human need.

This goes beyond a simple "thanks" for something they did. 

• "Thanks for making dinner"
• "Thanks for picking up the dry cleaning"
• "Thanks for not embarrassing me at that party last night"

That's not what we're talking about.

Affirming your partner's strengths focuses on their inherent qualities and their character.  They sound a little more like this:

• "Thanks for the way you keep our family organized."
• "Thanks for how you always make time for the kids and for me."
• "Thanks for taking the time to think about doing the right thing when we are facing challenges."

When you see their strengths in action, tell them how you appreciate them in that moment.  And here's a challenging question:  How many unspoken affirmations exist in your relationship? 

Don't let the opportunity for you to speak up pass you by.

Own Your Ups — and Your Downs

OK, now that you've identified what your partner brings to the table — be honest with yourself about your own strengths. 

If you want to be a good team when it comes to parenting, dealing with Ex's or navigating your marriage — you have to know your own strengths as well as your partner's.

Identifying and owning your own strengths will help you have confidence when it's time for your strength to shine.  Stepfamily leadership is a team effort, so you both need to contribute at the appropriate time.

In my example above, there are times for Kim to take the lead and help me relax and adjust.  Other times, I need to step up to the plate and use my planning and organizing skills to accomplish what needs to be done.  When we each own our strengths, it makes us a better team.

On the flip-side, we need to be humble enough to own our down side too.  When I under-value Kim's strengths it is usually because I'm unwilling to admit my own weaknesses.  But, when I own those weaknesses I can step back and let Kim shine in her strengths.

Take the time to recognize your own strengths and weaknesses.  Then compare it to those strengths you identified in your partner.  Chances are you complement each other in a few different areas and that can make you a great team!

From Enemies to Enjoyment

Kim and I have had seasons in our marriage where we were in all-out war.  We were enemies centered on our differences.  Our conversations were peppered with conflict and annoyances

We've learned to recognize each other's strengths, speak affirmation to each other and we've been honest about our own ups and downs.  Doing these three things have moved us from viewing each other as enemies to genuine enjoyment in our marriage.

The same can be true for you!

Take the time this week to work through these three team building steps.  You won't regret it.  Then come back next week for one more installment of this three part series where we'll focus on the value of commitment when our differences wreck our "fairytale". 

QUESTION:  What's one strength you admire in your partner?  Leave a comment below…

Source: https://support.mikeandkimcoaching.com/blog/what-if-your-differences-are-actually-a-good-thing

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