Principle #3 – Freedom: You Can Choose to Respect or Reject the Rules
There are two reasons why freedom is absolutely necessary:
1) You can't really make your child do the right thing. This may be a scary realization for you, but it's true! There's a lot of things you can't control in your child's life — especially if they're a teen.
2) Even if you could "make" your kids do the right thing, it wouldn't help them develop into mature, loving, responsible people. Children need to have opportunities to learn from their own mistakes. This is the best way for them to internalize important life lessons and grow in their own independence.
Principle #4 – Consequences: Here Is What Will Happen
Kids need consequences because that’s how they experience this fundamental law of life: good behavior brings good results and bad behavior brings uncomfortable results. Consequences should be appropriate. They need to be both verbalized and executed. Kids need to know what will happen when they cross the line. If you state consequences without enforcing them, you will train your kids to ignore you, because your bark has no bite.
Bio-parents, you are the safest, most well-defined parent figure for your kids and you have the highest level of parental authority. Your kids can more readily accept discipline from you without the stress and tension that gets stirred up when a step-parent attempts to administer discipline. This is just one reason why consequences need to be verbalized and executed by the Bio-parent.
Step-parents, focus on building a connected and trusting bond with your step-kids. Don't attempt to discipline a step-child until it's clear that they are willing to accept authority from you.
Now It's Your Turn
When it's time to communicate boundaries to the kids, here's a quick reference list of the messages you both want to convey for each of the four principles:
Principle 1 - Love:
Bio-Parent: "I'm doing this because I love you, not because I'm mad at you…I'm on your side and I want the best for you"
Step-Parent: "I care about you and I want good things for you. I'm someone you can count on"
Principle 2 - Truth:
Bio-Parent: "I have some rules and requirements for your behavior, they are based on our family's values"
Step-Parent: "It's not okay for you to treat me this way…We can either start over and you can choose a better way to respond or we'll need to put some space between us until you're able to treat me appropriately"
Principle 3 - Freedom:
Bio-Parent: "It's your choice to respect or reject the Code of Conduct"
Step-Parent: "Regardless of the choice you make, I'm for you"
Principle 4 - Consequences:
Bio-Parent: "This is what will happen if you choose to reject the Code of Conduct"
Step-Parent: "If you chose to reject the Code of Conduct the result will probably be a bummer for you. I'm here for you if you need me, but when your dad / mom gets home I'm sure that he'll / she'll have a conversation with you about the consequences of your choice." (keep your demeanor calm and caring)
The Right Thing for Everyone
Implementing boundaries with kids is hard work, but if we want to raise respectful, responsible kids we've got to step up and do the right thing for them. You may not feel especially close to your child when you're setting a boundary or following through with a consequence. But love is greater than momentary feelings.
In the end, your kids will look back and appreciate that you loved them enough to teach them the importance of healthy boundaries. And your family will enjoy more stability and peace when appropriate boundaries become a way of life for everyone!
QUESTION: How can you begin to implement healthy boundaries with your children? Leave a comment below…
Source: https://support.mikeandkimcoaching.com/blog/4-simple-principles-for-setting-healthy-boundaries-with-kids
The content is owned by Kim Anderson. Visit site here for other valuable articles.
No comments:
Post a Comment